How to Find Happiness Without Seeking It

How to Find Happiness Without Seeking It

It can easily be argued that every decision a person makes is in the pursuit of happiness. You might say, “Wait a minute. I go to a job I hate every day just so I can pay my bills and barely survive.” True, but you really think that going to that miserable job will leave you happier than staying home and losing the ability to pay your bills.

The need to be happy drives everyone, but people pursue happiness through different means. Some believe they’ll be happy if they can only amass a large enough fortune. Others believe they’ll be happy by helping others. Some pursue a family, while other believe the freedom of staying single provides a better opportunity for happiness.

An investment banker and a Buddhist monk are still pursuing the same thing, only in dramatically different ways.

“Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.” -Thoreau

Can you make yourself happy on purpose? Can you pursue happiness and capture it like a child chasing a firefly? Science says “no.”

Find happiness without pursuing happiness:

1. Avoid overestimating the effect of your circumstances on your happiness. Even a perfect relationship and perfect job can become a grind after the newness wears off. You don’t need to live in the perfect location or have the ideal career to be happy. Nothing is perfect all the time.

* Studies show that people with modest incomes and possessions can be just as happy as the wealthy. There are happy and miserable people in the US, China, Russia, Saudi Arabia, and everywhere else in the world.

* There are happy and miserable doctors, clowns, homeless people, Christians, Jews, Muslims, tall people, short people, men, and women.

2. Searching for strong emotions. Studies find that the happiest people are moderately happy on a regular basis. The frequency of positive emotions is much more important for happiness than the intensity of the emotions.

3. Focusing on happiness leads to misery. Several scientific studies have shown that when subjects focused on happiness, they reported feeling lonely and depressed. Searching for happiness is a singular, perhaps even selfish, activity. Putting too much of your attention on yourself results in lowered mental health.

* Keep your attention on others if you want to be happy. It’s hard to be happy if you spend a lot of time alone.

4. Gratitude is an important component of happiness. If you have a lot to be grateful for, you’ll naturally be happy, too. Make gratitude a habit. Ask yourself what you’re grateful for several times each day.

* Set up trigger points, such as when you take a shower, put on your shoes, start your car, walk into your place of work, take off your shoes, and get into bed. These are just a few ideas. Think about your own life. What are your current morning and evening routines? Use those routines to remind you to be grateful.

Happiness is the goal, but it can’t be pursued. It just happens when you’re living your life. A few good friends, the right mindset, and gratitude are all the intelligent person requires to have a happy life. Live your life per your values. Following your values might not make you happy, but it will help to avoid being unhappy.

There’s no reason to put off being happy until you’re married, make six figures, or climb Mount Everest. Choose to be happy now.

Understanding and Managing Your Emotional Triggers

Understanding and Managing Your Emotional Triggers

Maybe you wonder what’s really going on when you feel like certain events push your buttons. Take control of your emotional triggers by increasing your awareness and developing new ways of responding.

Understanding Your Emotional Triggers

1. Learn the definition of triggers. A trigger is an experience that draws us back into the past and causes old feelings and behaviors to arise. An ice cream sandwich may remind you of summer vacations or gossiping coworkers could bring back images of high school cliques.

2. Spot external prompts. Some triggers are situational and social. Many people tend to eat more at holiday gatherings. If your spouse is tense, it may affect your own mood.

3. Identify internal causes. Over time, anything can be internalized. Even when you’re surrounded by loved ones, you may be carrying around old conflicts that interfere with your ability to live in the present moment.

4. Realize we all have triggers. Much of the literature about triggers focuses on addictions. It’s important to remember that memory plays a powerful role in all our lives.

5. Accept individual differences. If you’re startled by loud noises that your spouse fails to notice, you’ve seen how differently people react to the same stimulus.

Taking such variety into account improves communications and relationships.

Managing Your Emotional Triggers

1. Keep a journal. Tracking your triggers is often the first step in mastering them. It might be helpful to keep a log of occasions when you experience intense emotions or engage in behavior you want to change. Note what’s going on in your head and in your surroundings at the time.

2. Challenge yourself. The key to change is placing yourself in difficult positions and being open to doing something new and more constructive. If worrying about money is keeping you up at night, call your creditors to arrange payment plans.

3. Know your capacity. Proceed at your own pace. Start out by being more assertive with your spouse and friends if you need to practice before talking with your boss.

4. Come up with alternatives. Take advantage of quiet times to brainstorm new strategies you can use when you are under pressure. List productive and enjoyable activities you can substitute for gambling or other habits you want to break.

5. Make time to relax. Reducing daily stress will make it easier to handle intense emotions. Begin a daily meditation practice or start out the day by listening to instrumental music during your drive to the office.

6. Consider therapy. If you’re having trouble making progress on your own, professional help could make a big difference. Ask your physician or people you trust for references or call the psychology department at your local universities.

7. Live healthy. One simple way to make yourself more resilient is to take good care of your body and mind. Eat right, sleep well, and exercise regularly. You’ll be better prepared to bounce back from any obstacles that may arise.

8. Develop a strong support network. Close family and friends are vital to feeling validated and nurtured. When you’re dealing with stubborn issues, it’s good to know you have people who care about you and want to help.

9. Show compassion. The more you know about your own triggers, the more insight you can develop into what the people around you may be struggling with. Strive to be a little more patient and forgiving and people will be more likely to do the same for you.

We all have our own unique emotional triggers. Learning to handle them constructively enables us to fix the issues that get in our way and move ahead in life.

[Self-Hypnosis] I Protect My Emotions

[Self-Hypnosis] I Protect My Emotions

I protect my emotions.

The emotions I experience are normal. I realize that I have a right to feel however I feel.

Usually, I am upbeat and satisfied with how my day goes.

Yet, there are times when certain events occur which set my emotions in a direction that lacks positivity.

Sometimes, I feel hurt about something someone says to me. They may treat me in a way that annoys me. Perhaps I notice something unexpected that triggers feelings of disappointment or anger.

When these situations occur, I remind myself that such events are a part of life and that I am the only one responsible for how I feel.

I consciously decide to adjust my feelings. I have confidence that I can control my emotions when a situation requires it.

In an uncomfortable situation, I can protect myself by quietly leaving the room. I can excuse myself to get a beverage or I can mention there is something I must take care of.

Refraining from making comments regarding the triggering event is usually best for me. This allows me to avoid further negative feelings of distress.

Today, I know I can take useful steps to protect my feelings.

My perseverance and strength of character ensure I can turn uncomfortable emotions into positive ones.

I live a contented life because I protect my emotions when it is necessary.

Self-Reflection Questions

1. How often do I find myself feeling upset about something that happened in my day?

2. What steps do I take to protect my emotional self when such events occur?

3. How can I change how I react to negative situations?

[Self-Hypnosis] I Am Filled With Gratitude For Today

[Self-Hypnosis] I Am Filled With Gratitude For Today

I am filled with gratitude for today.

I have plenty of reasons to feel grateful each day. I find beauty in many simple things in life. I can enjoy a sunrise, sunset, or a good book. I am grateful for the nature I see and experience each day.

Life provides endless opportunities to feel grateful every day.

Today is a great day to work on enhancing my life. I have many opportunities for self-enhancement. I can use today to better my life and become the person I want to be.

I am grateful for my friends and family. I am loved! I have other people to love. I have people I can count on. My friends and family are a huge source of gratitude and appreciation.

I am grateful for my health. My health might be short of perfection, but it could be much worse. I am grateful for all the things my mind and body are able to do. I enjoy using my mind and body in a variety of ways to enjoy my life and accomplish my goals.

Today, I appreciate all the things, people, and capabilities I have in my life. I am dedicating today to feeling grateful and expressing my gratitude. I am filled with gratitude today.

Self-Reflection Questions

1. What can I choose to be grateful about in my life right now? What is great about my life?

2. What would I be grateful for if I had it in my life? What do I believe my life is lacking?

3. If I chose to feel grateful each day, how would that affect my outlook on life?

I Accept My Emotions And Allow Them To Serve Their Purpose

I Accept My Emotions And Allow Them To Serve Their Purpose

I accept my emotions and allow them to serve their purpose.

My emotions inform me that what I am doing or considering is worthy of further investigation. That is their only purpose. When something makes me feel good, I should figure out why. When something makes me feel bad, I should figure out why.

My emotions can lead me astray. That is why I refuse to allow my emotions to make decisions for me. My emotions simply inform me that I need to take a closer look.

The emotion of fear can cause me to miss out on many wonderful experiences and opportunities. When I feel fear, I take a rational look at the situation and decide if my feelings of fear are justified.

Pleasure can cause me to do silly things that make my future more challenging. When I feel pleasure, I take a rational look at the situation and decide if I am making the correct decision.

My emotions serve me. I avoid allowing my emotions to control me. My emotions are simply an alarm bell. I choose to make my final decisions with my intellect.

Today, I make good use of my emotions. I appreciate and accept my emotions, but I use logic and rational thinking to make decisions. I am an intelligent person, and I make excellent decisions.

Self-Reflection Questions

1. When have I made a decision based on my reactivity and shot myself in the foot? 

2. When have I done something that felt good in the short-term, but made my life more difficult in the long-term?

3. If I made my decisions from a balanced perspective, how would my life change?